you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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