Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
