oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
