DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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