I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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