Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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