i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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