Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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