dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
