How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
