i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I skipped work to stalk him.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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