I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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