im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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