She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
