I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
