i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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