1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
