Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
