I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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