So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
