He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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