Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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