I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
