Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
