i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
