Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
