This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
