Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A+ Viking dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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