Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
