Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
