Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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