I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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