i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
