lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
