I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
