My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it because I queefed?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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