im holly from the hills drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
