True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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