Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
