mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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