And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
id be glad to
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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