3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Alive.
So much puke
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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