And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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