apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
