I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
