does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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