I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
