Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
