I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
