Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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