Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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