Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
