none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
