Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
