Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
