I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
