im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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