Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize