I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
