All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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