When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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