all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
