Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
