We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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