he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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