I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
