i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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