Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
