help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
