Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
