I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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