you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
